i’ve loaned a lot of things to a lot of friends like dresses and records and books and some of the time i never see them again and in a weird way i think that it works because the thing about things is they start turning evil when you start to forget what they’re for and so if you’re not sure what you did with my sweater i’ll just have to love you a little bit more i had a ring it belonged to my grandfather he was a mason and gay and he was distant and bitter for all of my childhood we never had much to say he wasn’t the type to give tokens of affection and so i stole ring when he died and twenty years on when i lost it at a bar i thought that’s fine I DON’T WANT HIM IN MY LIFE because the thing about things is that they can start meaning things nobody actually said and if he couldn’t make something mean something for me i had to make up what it meant i can carry everything i need in one collapsing suitcase i can carry everyone i love in one phone application built to maximize the facetime with the friends i’m bent on making actually i want to be alone to mourn the loss of what this cost i think it’s a poem and i think it keeps going i’ve borrowed and lost lots of things and three nights ago in the bar where i lost it the bartender gave me the ring and i lie in bed with my phone in my hand thinking what can i fix with which app and i call my grandfather and he doesn’t answer and i have to make peace with that fact because the thing about things is that they can start meaning things nobody actually said and if you’re not allowed to love people alive then you learn how to love people dead the thing about things is that they can start meaning things nobody actually said and if you’re not allowed to love people alive then you learn how to love people dead
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