sometimes when I'm lying in bed
my heartbeat shakes my whole body
and it scares me because I'm alive,
I have no God,
he has forsaken me,
you have a God,
you're so happy,
he loves you,
he is your friend,
I'm starting to think
there's no such thing as love,
I never want to let myself open up ever again
but I know
that I will
I will fold into millionths
an accumulate these creases
in my edges like fucking
paper air
and keeping keep ripping
I want to
rip my stretchmarks open and bleed
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